


Mistletoe and Holly

by eff_the_ineffable



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Brotzly - Freeform, Christmas Fluff, DGHDA Big Bang, F/F, M/M, faranda, shitten - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-19 15:18:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13126401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eff_the_ineffable/pseuds/eff_the_ineffable
Summary: When the shark-kitten destroys their Christmas lights, Dirk drags Todd on a holly-picking adventure to deck the halls for the Agency's first Christmas together. Features mistletoe, found-family, and fluff. Teen rating is for language (no sexy coinkydinks).





	Mistletoe and Holly

**Author's Note:**

> In light of the recent allegations against Max Landis I just want to make it clear that my support for the show and the fandom does not include support for him. This show and these characters are so much bigger than one person and they belong to all of us who engage with them.
> 
> Now, a couple of notes about the fic: it's effectively an AU where the last few minutes of Season 1 didn't happen. The detective agency began operating after Farah made her investment and Todd and Dirk have been sharing a flat which doubles as the office. Farah and Amanda are dating, and while things are still pretty rocky Todd is trying to rebuild his relationship with his sister. This work is part of the DGHDA Mini Christmas Bang, and has a gorgeous artwork to accompany it by the amazing Hellz [(DontOffendTheBees)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontOffendTheBees)!! See below or on Tumblr [here](http://dont-offend-the-bees.tumblr.com/post/168921437741/ho-ho-ho-merry-christmas-bang-my-friends-ive) :) The fantastic Tonks [(tonkshamsandwhich)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonkshamsandwich) was my beta and their support has been wonderful! <3
> 
>  
> 
> I haven't really written romance before so please be kind! :)

 

* * *

 

 Todd Brotzman sat at the back desk of the agency's office, sorting through case files and studiously ignoring the plate of unidentifiable… _something_ that Dirk had offered him at lunch that day. When it came to cooking, the holistic detective was simply hopeless. Actually, that was true when it came to most things. Todd leant back with a sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Dirk! Where did you put the business card Mrs Gardiner gave you? We need to ring and follow up on that payment issue.”

Dirk’s somewhat muffled voice floated through the half-open door that separated the office from the rest of their apartment.

 “It was right on top of that stack on my desk yesterday, Todd. I’m sure it can’t have gone far… no, get _down_ from there! If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand ti- _owwww_!”

The lights flickered violently as a black flash streaked through the door and past Todd, followed closely by a yellow jacket-clad Dirk in hot pursuit.

“Shitten! Get back here, I need that- oh _botheration_ , Todd.”

Panting, Dirk leaned on his assistant’s desk in defeat.

“What are you even trying to do, Dirk?”

“That blasted cat has gone and chewed through the cord for all the Christmas lights and stolen the adaptor!”

“What the hell?”

As much as Todd appreciated cats on a general level, the cute little shark-kitten from the Patrick Spring case had quickly grown into a lanky teenager with an attitude problem over the past few months. He wasn’t sure he approved of the transition. It felt rather too much like being a parent. A parent of a child with supernatural man-eating abilities.

“How it didn’t bloody electrocute itself I have no idea. I suppose it’s something to do with energy associated with the soul-swapping process? _Most_ interesting, Todd. Remind me to look into that when we get back.”

“Get back from what?”

“Well we can’t have a Christmas party without decorations, that’s just absurd! Almost as absurd as you insisting on working on those files on Christmas, _honestly,_ Todd.”

“I told you before, Christmas just isn’t really important to-“

“But _this_ Christmas is. It’s our first one as the agency! Now come on. Farah and Amanda will be here in a couple of hours.”

“Dirk, all the shops are closed. There’s no point trying to buy more lights.”

“Oh, I’ve given up on unreliable, cat-attracting electronics. We’re going to do this the old-fashioned way! It’s holly-picking time.”

“…Holly.”

“ _And_ ivy. We used to do this every year at Cambridge! Until I got arrested. Anyway, let’s go!”

“You -Cambridge -arrested… actually, that doesn’t surprise me at all. You know what? Sure. Sure. We’ll probably find that stupid business card in the middle of a _fucking_ holly bush.”

“ _That’s_ the spirit Todd! Follow me!”

 

* * *

 

“Do we even have holly here Dirk?”

“The Universe brought us here, I’m sure there must be some _somewhere_ in the park.”

Todd sighed and tried to pull his jacket tighter as he trailed behind the still-enthusiastic detective heading for the fifth little copse of trees. He wasn’t convinced it was the Universe that had brought them here so much as the fact that this happened to be the park they crossed to get to the local train station.

“We’ve found a million thistles. Can’t we just use those if you want something prickly?”

Dirk turned, raising his eyebrows incredulously.

“We’re not _Scottish_!”

Todd shrugged.

“It was just a suggestion- hang on, what’s that?”

They ran toward the flash of red that had caught his eye, jumping over a small ditch to get to the thick bush. A cluster of scarlet berries sat nestled in green thorns, glowing softly in the weak winter sunlight. Dirk beamed at him, completing the perfect picture.

“ _Beautiful_. Very good assisting Todd, you’re really quite a professional now!”

Todd rolled his eyes as he stifled a small smile.

“Look, there’s more over there. I suppose you did remember to bring something to cut them with?”

“Of course I did!”

Dirk proudly handed him with the agency’s one remaining pair of scissors, complete with a dangling tag that read _Do NOT remove from my desk_ \- _Property of Farah Black._

Todd sighed and began the delicate process of extricating berries from the prickly leaves.

“She’s going to murder us if we lose these, you know.”

 

* * *

 

An hour, two small rain showers, one leaking boot and innumerable scratches later, Dirk finally decided that they had sufficient foliage for decking the halls. As they made their way back through the trees he started off on a long and involved account of one of his previous cases- something involving a platypus and the second cousin three times removed of the King of Denmark. Despite the discomfort of his mud-soaked feet and the large, spiky armful of holly he carried, Todd couldn’t help smiling. Rather than holding the strands of ivy he’d collected like a normal person, Dirk had instead opted to wrap them around his body and now looked rather like a bush with fabulous Christmas socks as he gestured enthusiastically to emphasise some point in the story. It was a perfectly ridiculous picture, and yet it was so quintessentially _Dirk_. Todd felt a small pang even as the familiar surge of affection welled up inside of him. How do you even tell your best friend that you’ve fallen for them? His life had only just started feeling– if not _normal_ , per se, at least dependably unpredictable. He had friends. He had a job. He didn’t think he could bear losing everything again.

Todd’s musings were interrupted as Dirk broke off his tale with a yell.

“ _Look!_ Up there- it’s mistletoe Todd! This is going to be the best Christmas ever.”

Todd tried unsuccessfully to rearrange his burden without getting pricked.

“Yowch. It’s pretty high…”

“I’m going to climb it Todd! Give me a leg up!”

After a couple of tries Dirk eventually managed to shimmy up towards the branch which held the plant he’d spotted. Todd began gathering up the scattered foliage they’d dropped, grinning as he remembered the fence incident from their first case. Farah’s training regime had evidently been paying off. He watched as the detective swung his leg over and began inching towards the mistletoe, scissors in hand. He was stretched almost horizontally along the length of the branch now, reminding Todd inexplicably of an old National Geographic photo he’d seen once of a leopard lying in a tree. Unfortunately Dirk didn’t quite give off the same aura of feline agility.

“Be careful! The rain would have made the bark really slippery.”

“Don’t worry Todd! I’ve almost got it- a-ha! Oh, _fuck_!”

Time seemed to slip into slow-motion as Dirk slid off the branch, falling in a tangle of wildly flailing limbs. The thud of his friend landing in the bushes galvanized Todd into action. Promptly dropping the strands he’d just picked up, he sprinted towards the dense undergrowth the detective had disappeared beneath.

“Dirk! Dirk, are you ok?”

In answer a yellow-sleeved arm emerged from the leaves, triumphantly brandishing the clump of mistletoe. Dirk sat up slowly, mouth twisted into the familiar smirk that Todd had started calling his ‘solved-it smile.’

“Success is mine, Todd! I told you the Universe would provide.”

They shared a warm glance as he helped Dirk extract himself from the bush.

“You’re the best kind of idiot, you know that? Let’s get you home.”

Dirk laughed and patted his shoulder.

“Thank you for coming with me, Todd. Cambridge doesn’t hold a candle to this, honestly.”

 

* * *

 

Dirk hummed happily to himself as he arranged the last strands of ivy decorating the dining table. As he gave the final touches to the centerpiece he heard a bang and a splash as Todd turned off the shower, the sound of his singing now filtering easily through the thin walls without the din of the pipes. Dirk considered ‘singing’ to be a fairly generous term for this particular brand of noise- while Todd could (and very occasionally did) croon along with the best of them on an acoustic guitar, he generally used the shower as an excuse to belt out the punk anthems from his Mexican Funeral days. However, he’d learned that a sing-yelling Todd was a contented Todd. Considering how uneasy his best friend had been about this dinner, this was definitely a good sign.

The detective sighed. Todd wasn’t the only nervous one. It had been a life-changing year in the most unexpected of ways. He still couldn’t quite believe that he had three actual friends, who were _alive_ , and who _liked_ him and kept coming back to spend time with him. He’d never had a chance to celebrate a thing like Christmas before with people who actually were there by choice- in Blackwing there was no such thing as a holiday, and in Cambridge it was only the misfits and international students who had to stay at the college over the winter break. Dirk was bursting with excitement for the evening ahead, and yet- it all felt so fragile. It wasn’t just the usual axe of the Universe hovering over his neck- he’d almost gotten used to the weight of it suspended above him there, little hairs pricking up whenever a new case made it swing just too close. This was something much more frightening, and it came from inside him.

Strange new feelings kept bubbling up at the thought of Todd’s smile, and his grumpy little pre-coffee scowl in the mornings, and the way his hands picked carefully over guitar strings, and the way that his eyes had shone ridiculously, brilliantly blue in the cold air that afternoon as they hunted the berries together. For so long, all that Dirk had wanted was to have a best friend. The idea of wanting a partner felt… greedy. Todd had given him so much already. The Universe had let him keep these friends so much longer than he had expected. How could he possibly risk making it all come crashing down by asking for more? But he had found the mistletoe in the park and something in him deeply, desperately wanted it to be a sign. He just didn’t know if he had the courage to follow through.

Dirk’s thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock at the door, followed by the sound of the key as Farah let herself in while conducting a balancing act with a very large turkey and two casseroles.

“No, don’t touch! I’ve got this.” She flashed a quick smile at Dirk as she made her way to the kitchen bench and deposited the load. He launched in for a hug.

“Happy Christmas Farah! That smells _amazing_. Todd’s in the shower but I turned the oven just like you said- oh and I even managed to chop the onions without crying this time! I did slice my finger though because I saw a youtube video where the man put a spoon in his mouth and somehow it stopped him from crying so I tried it but then Todd came in and started laughing at me and I got distracted-“

Farah gently broke the embrace.

“Happy Christmas Dirk. It’s good to see you. Is that a new tie?”

“It is! The little snowmen are rather fetching aren’t they? Todd found it for me.”

The bodyguard raised her eyebrows.

“Oh really?”

Dirk was still trying to figure out exactly how to interpret the expression on his friend’s face (he had just decided that it really could only be categorized as a smirk, something which was remarkably un-Farah-like) when the passage door swung open. Todd emerged, rubbing his head with a towel.

“Farah! Merry Christmas! How are you doing?”

“The answer to that is… probably too complicated for start-of-party small talk. But the food is coming together well! And Dirk says the kitchen is all set up ready to go.”

Todd took her hand and squeezed it lightly.

“Okay. It’s all yours. You’ve got this- let me know if there’s anything you want me to do.”

“Thank you. Amanda’s on her way but she’s running a bit late. Don’t stress, okay? Now let me get started- there’s only a couple of hours to finish everything.”

As she shooed them out of the kitchen Dirk could hear her muttering the names of ingredients under her breath. He had discovered to his surprise several months ago that Farah genuinely loved cooking. It was her main creative outlet and when she’d offered to take charge of Christmas dinner he couldn’t have been more delighted. Curious as he was about the menu, Farah ruled her kitchen with an iron fist. Sadly it had been established early on that any unpredictable elements- especially holistic detectives- were banned from helping, or even observing. However, there were more important things to think about right now and most of them were to do with Todd (and not just his adorably-ruffled hair). His assistant had started pacing the loungeroom, growing steadily more upset.

“’Don’t stress.’ Huh. Yeah, it’s not like my sister has spent most of this year hating my guts _because I fucking deserve it_. ‘Don’t _stress._ ’ It’s not like putting us in the same house for five hours could undo all the work we’ve done the past couple of months. I- I need to go, Dirk. I can’t risk it. The three of you can have dinner, I’ll find a pub or someth-”

Before Dirk could interrupt Todd’s babbling Amanda barged through the door, a carton of beer, a stack of presents and the shark-kitten hanging off her arm. She dropped her burdens on the couch and hugged the detective.

“Happy Christmas! I found the cat outside again.”

Dirk frantically made a _‘don’t-panic-and-don’t-you-dare-run-away’_ face at Todd over the top of Amanda’s head before she pulled away. Thankfully his assistant seemed frozen to the spot.

“Little shit. You know, he _completely_ destroyed my original décor this morning!”

He picked the cat up, smooching its unwilling forehead. The drummer grinned.

“You’re going to be the most ridiculous parent one day.”

“Oh, I should hope so! And Farah’s here, she’s already cooking up a storm.”

“Oh good! Cute mistletoe, by the way.”

As she turned he raised his eyebrows in what he hoped was clear ‘ _say-something-don’t-just-stand-there_ ’ expression.

“Happy Christmas, asshole!”

Amanda punched Todd lightly on the shoulder as she made her way to the kitchen.

“Happy Christmas, sis. I, um, Farah’s banned us from there, you know.”

“Oh, _I’m_ exempt. Hey I brought some real beer, it’s over there. I can’t stand your imported British stuff, Dirk. No offence.”

“ _Real_ beer or that awful no-name stuff Cross left at Farah’s that time?”

“Real!”

That seemed to spark Todd into action. He picked up one of the cans of beer in astonishment as his sister disappeared into the kitchen.

“Holy shit.”

Dirk gave him a double thumbs up.

“I think that’s what one calls a peace offering, Todd. Although you’re both mad when it comes to true taste.”

 

* * *

 

The evening went remarkably well. Farah’s turkey was a triumph, of course; Dirk’s table centerpiece was roundly complimented, and everyone was now adorned with a ridiculous paper crown from one of the many crackers that had been pulled. To Farah’s relief, Todd had relaxed considerably and even joined Amanda in sharing stories from their childhood holiday memories. Despite a somewhat awkward start, what with his early crush on her and her own lack of romantic interest in men generally, the pair had settled into a supportive friendship that had grown strong over the past few months. And having been on the receiving end of Todd’s romantic attempts before, the bodyguard knew exactly what was going on now.

As she put the finishing touches on the puddings and Todd washed dishes, she decided it was time to give matters a little push. She carefully placed the last cherry in position and turned to her friend with raised eyebrows.

“So… _Dirk_.”

Todd looked up at her, widening his eyes in what he hoped was an innocent look.

“Don’t try that, you know I can see through you. When are you going to tell him?”

He laughed and dropped his gaze.

“Is it that obvious? Actually don’t tell me.”

“There’s some nice mistletoe just hanging out there…”

Todd groaned.

“I know. He fell out of a tree this morning trying to pick it.”

“Of course. Honestly though, I think you’ve got more of a chance than you realise. Give it a shot, hey?”

Farah glanced out of the serving hatch to where Dirk and Amanda were sprawled over the couch, deep in discussion about some tv show they both loved.

“Besides, you’ve got a pretty persuasive wingwoman out there. Just saying.”

“Oh no. Farah!”

 

* * *

 

Amanda hugged a cushion to her as Dirk waved his arms around, explaining his latest outlandish theory about his favourite character from a season he was catching up on. She didn’t watch much tv now with the Rowdies, but the years of being effectively housebound had given her an encyclopedic knowledge of a somewhat scary number of shows. Dirk came to a sudden stop as he noticed her expression.

“I don’t like that look on your face. You know what’s going to happen, don’t you?”

She smirked.

“Mmhmm, and you know I’m not going to give you any clues. You’re doing pretty well though.”

“ _Ugh_. Is that a little sister thing? Is it something you learn in sibling school, how to be this annoying?”

“Yep.”

She threw the cushion at him.

“ _Also,_ as a little sister, it’s my duty to find out just when when you’re planning to seduce my asshole brother.”

The face journey from horror to shock to guilty blush set Amanda laughing hard enough to almost fall off the chair.

“It’s okay, Dirk! Dude, that was beautiful. Your expression!”

“I- I, um- I-”

“Anyone can see you two work together. Sure, you both have a shitload of issues to deal with but so long as you can talk through stuff honestly- and I think Todd’s learned his lesson there pretty painfully- you’ve got this.”

She scooted over and patted his shoulder.

“I’ve seen the sappy gazes you two give each other when you think the other one’s not looking. He cares about you so much.”

“Do you really think so, Amanda?”

“Dessert’s ready, you guys!” Farah’s voice called out.

Amanda jumped up.

“Yes. I want you to be happy, and even though I still think he’s an idiot, I do want him to be happy in this too. Come on.”

 

* * *

 

It was almost midnight. Farah had just won a very intense game of Trouble and Amanda and Dirk were fighting each other for third place. Todd leaned back and sighed, settling into the comfortable drowsy feeling brought on by a full stomach, warmth and Amanda’s beer. Farah cheered his sister on.

“Yes Amanda! Just roll a three, you’re almost home!”

“Ha! Not I have anything to do with it! Todd, where’s my cheer squad?”

“Oh, sorry. Go Dirk? Oh that’s a six! Yes Dirk, yes! You’re catching up!”

Suddenly a brick came flying through the window, scattering the game pieces in a shower of glass. Through the shattered pane came the sound of raucous singing, punctuated with bangs that sounded suspiciously like the neighbourhood trashcans being beaten with baseball bats.

“God”- CRASH- “rest” –SMASH- “ye merry” -BANG CRASH- “gentlemen, let nothing” –THUD- “you dismaaaaaaayyyyyyy!”

Amanda stood up, grinning.

“Um, I think my ride’s here. Sorry about the window, Dirk- I really need to get onto them about that.”

There was a howl outside and Martin’s voice came floating up through the cold air.

“Are you coming, Drummer?”

Dirk removed his hands from his ears and forced his mouth into something that he hoped vaguely resembled a smile.

“That’s, ah, quite alright Amanda! Um, not to rush you but, ah, maybe it’s best if you go out before they destroy the next one?”

Todd placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I’ll clean up the mess for you sis. Thanks for coming tonight, it- it means a lot.”

To everyone’s surprise Amanda threw her arms around her brother in a quick hug.

“Yeah, well, you know. It’s Christmas. I’ve got to get to know who you actually are somehow.”

She looked up to see Farah and Dirk hovering slightly awkwardly in the distance.

“Oh, bring it in you guys.”

Farah grinned as she joined the group hug.

“You’re all such weirdos. I’m glad I belong with you.”

 

* * *

 

Todd paused in his sweeping by the window just in time to see the end of Farah and Amanda’s goodnight kiss at the gate. Feeling the eye contact, his sister looked up and flipped him off before jumping in the Rowdy van. Farah blushed and hopped into her car. Todd shook his head and grinned. Some things never changed. As Dirk joined him at the window a yell came from one of the Rowdy 3.

“Merry Christmas, nerds!”

As the low growl of the van disappeared into the distance Dirk stayed at the window, his usual bravado appearing to shrink a little in the mess of empty cans, scattered holly and glass fragments.

“Do you think it went okay, Todd?”

The shared family moment earlier seemed to have boosted Todd’s own confidence. Before he could reason himself out of it, he reached an arm around Dirk’s waist affectionately.

“Farah was laughing, Amanda talked to me, and the Rowdies only destroyed one part of our flat. That’s a win from me! Plus, there’s a leftover cracker for us to pull. Come on!”

Dirk snorted.

“I suppose you’re right. I’m still rather miffed about my decorations though.”

“Yeah, I guess Shitten-proof isn’t quite Rowdy-proof.”

As the shiny paper tore apart there was a flash of white instead of the usual coloured paper crown. Todd was just slightly quicker than Dirk, nimble fingers grabbing the little card that had landed on the floor. He scanned the text, blinked, and read it again.

“Mrs Angela Gardiner, Piano Teacher Grades I-VII. Dirk! It’s the one I was looking for this morning.”

Dirk was just standing in front of him staring, eyes shining even as the mistletoe cast a shadow on his face.

“How on earth? Bloody hell. Everything really _is_ connected, isn’t i-”

The words trailed off as he registered soft lips pressing against his forehead, vision filling with the yellow of Dirk’s jacket.

“ _Oh_.”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry Todd-“

The detective was standing there frozen, eyes screwed closed. Todd grabbed his shoulders.

“Dirk! No. no. It’s- I liked it.”

He was looking down at him now, still desperate and hesitant. Todd reached one hand up and cupped the side of his face, drawing him close. A cold breeze rushed through the shattered window. The mistletoe swayed above them as the shark-kitten picked its way through the broken glass, purring as it rubbed against their legs.

“It’s okay, Dirk. _We’re_ okay.”


End file.
